she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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