Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
