Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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