Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
