I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
