Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
