just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You took a bar mat shot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
