I cannot find my penis.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
