i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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