me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's official drugs can't kill me
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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