grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
