Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
