so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
