Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
