i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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