the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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