I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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