i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
