I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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