Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
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If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
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I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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