Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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