I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
