I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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