U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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