I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
