i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
