I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
