omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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