I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
babies were throwing up all over the place
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
