There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Someone signed my nipple.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
