I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
