i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
