She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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