i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
high people should be assigned attendants
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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