My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
