I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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