Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
