There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
