so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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