well I can't set my house on fire every night
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
