i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
