Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
