I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
