He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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