oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
