So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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