New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
