I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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