Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
