Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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