You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
