stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
