That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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