also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
