the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
