My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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