Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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