The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
