coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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