I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
