i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
