I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
