Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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