I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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