I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize