if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
