had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
