There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just found a bag of teeth...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
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