I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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