As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
