im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
