At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
