I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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