my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
