Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
