I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
