I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
