he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
